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F-bombs, naughty grannies and even naughtier bicyclists

By Seb Kemp

Well, it looks like one of cycling's biggest names got into trouble this week.

Oops, someone made a boo-boo. Oh well, if the Renegade Raging Grannies say you can't get pregnant from legitimate rape, then we can all get away with far more than stepping on box.

The two other big news items this week have lead to a slew of jokes and gags

With the amount of media attention that Lance's announcement received this week and the amount of misguided and misinformed layman's thinking that has arose because of it, I imagine that right about now Lance probably wishes he was either on the moon or exiting this mortal coil like Neil.

He didn't say he did drugs to win his seven Tour titles, he has just given up saying he didn't in the face of a massive amount of investigations towards him. But because we all love to see our heroes battered, burned, and ground to a pulp in the village square, every man and his dog seems overjoyed that Lance is getting the thick end of it. Where are all our heroes? The answer is that we don't want them anymore. We don't believe in Santa Claus, the Holy Spirit or even pedaling a bike really fast.

I'm not saying Lance is innocent, just that why should it surprise and shock anyone? We want the spectacular and the amazing but we want to know how the magic works, enough so that we can feel the detachment of real marvels. We want to see Christ but we want to be able to tell him that we know he is a just a regular guy in a tunic and beard.

So what? So Lance may have taken some uppers. So has just about everyone at some point in their lives. We all cheat, lie, finagle, dupe and deceive in order to get what we want. Sure, our pay offs aren't calculated in seven digit numbers and we don't fly jets but we all still suck at life as much as the dog poop on our shoes that we turn our heroes into.

Simply put, we are all judgmental and hypocritical shits.

Look at Prince Harry. Yes, so he may like to have a few drinks, get a little loud, take off his clothes, and try picking up a saucy barmaid. So what? Who hasn't? Anyone who hasn't is either a liar or the exact kind of beige prick I hope never to get trapped on a desert island with. The people that are condemning Harry's behavior are probably the same people who buggered their way through university, look forward to turning lions into wallpaper on their holidays, and think that there is such a thing as legitimate rape.

Anyway, is it a surprise that LA leads the United States as the foulest-mouthed city?

More so, what bother is a little F-ing and blinding when some woman can spit in the face of an officer of the law?

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