News of the Tweet: Drink This and Calm Down Commie

A man with no wings, Starbucks wants wings, and Emily Batty’s careful lips.

By Seb Kemp

Lisa Richardson, for the second time this month, gives us with something to ponder as we roll into another week of virtual interaction and digital procrastination. However, that list missed out Tumblr and Instagramification, the other thing an iPhone was invented for.

Photoshelter: Instagram and Hipstamatic to join forces for more new age fun with a vintage feel photo sharing. What does this mean? I dunno…

But Instagram isn't just for turning status updates and tweets into 1000 words? Transworld Business shows us which brands are using Instagram the best and even give a run down of how best to use it.

While cruising through Transworld Business I found this lovely little how-to video tutorial by Michael Burnett that was created by Tony Hawks YouTube Ride Channel.

Someone that doesn't need a tutorial, especially for taking skateboard bangers, is Sven Martin.

Another photographer who needs no lessons or advice is Grant Robinson. Although, I do wonder what he was doing in a school this week.

OK, slight change to the usual fart gag running order of #NOTT this week. It's going to get political, pol-it-ical, we're gonna get political, let's get pol-it-ical…you have to imagine Olivia Newton-John singing that one. Anyway, the following isn't all about expensive disposable high performance mountain bicycles.

Apparently, the average Aussie child is becoming a fat little soft cock because his mommy and dada are wrapping them in cotton wool. However, if Aussies are getting soft then it means the world is doomed. They are like the budgie in the coal mine as far as the risk society goes.

Bikers stay longer and spend more locally, but not on gas.

Perhaps not the real Will Ferrel as there seems to be about as many pseudo Will Ferrel accounts as followers. Thanks to Matt Hoffman @CondorBMX

IMBA have something to celebrate this week.

How did Emily Batty's lips get so recked? (sic) I'm assuming she ran out of characters or that damn autocorrect got the better of her. In case not then I wonder what her lips were being careful about? If you don't get what I'm getting at then read up on some 19th century poetry.

Outside Magazine, great magazine but perhaps a little stretched because everyone knows there is no singletrack in Santa Cruz. Perhaps they got duped again.

Starbucks energy drink…really? Well, I don't know too much detail on this besides the same regurgitated press release or 400 words gleaned from one-reporter-looking-over-the-shoulder-of-another, but apparently the drinks are natural, low calorie and use green coffee extract but don't taste like coffee. Starbucks, not content with dominating our high streets and retail spaces, is moving into several new markets: coffee machines, juice bars, selling alcoholic beverages in its existing spaces, and now energy drinks. Its number-one target is Red Bull, the leader in the $8 billion U.S. energy drink market.

Cool, but do we need anymore energy drinks? Aren't we over saturated and over stimulated already? Let's all just drink water instead. Thank you to @TimZimmerman who lead me to these inspiring gentlemen who see that perhaps energy drinks aren't all they cracked up to be. Yes, that was a deliberate double entendre. Not a very good one, hence why I have to point it out.

Anyway, Drink Water is about reminding us that perhaps our sports have been pirated by the profit motive of energy drinks companies and we should enjoy some good clean water.

In the States, attempts by colleges to ban bottled water from campuses is going ahead in several locations. This might sound like a very grim future if water is withheld from students, but what they are attempting to do is ban bottled water, not water.

This is why:

1. The recommended eight glasses of water a day, at U.S. tap rates costs about $.49 per year; that same amount of bottled water is about $1,400.

2. It takes 17 million barrels of oil per year to make all the plastic water bottles used in the U.S. alone. That’s enough oil to fuel 1.3 million cars for a year.

3. In 2007, Americans consumed over 50 billion single serve bottles of water; between 30 and 40 million single serve bottles went into landfills each year.

(information and statistics from @banthebottle)

Now, whether or not you want to help the environment you have to see the personal financial consequences of purchasing bottled water. Do yourself a favor and never buy another bottle of water again. Fashion water is a silly thing. Get yourself a decent liquid receptacle and start saving moving. While you are at it, buy a travel coffee cup and stop throwing paper coffee cups away with each Starbucks you get.

Anyway, while we are talking about high octane drinks fueled events, this week it was officially announced (as opposed to some Frenchie spilling the beans months ago) that the Crankworx event franchise will jump the Atlantic and land (probably not on the pedals) in Les Deux Alps, France. Check out the new Crankworx website. The new website has a wonderful intro thingy that really takes me back to the OTT posturing of the events commentators. I almost feel like it is mid-summer, in the mid-30s, about midway through a flat of Monster, I mean Red Bull. @Crankworx

And finally, just to show you that I'm not using this column as a soapbox for my own environmental beliefs and lefty nonsense, and that I am paying attention to the news, I'll bring us full circle to where we started this week by sharing a video that was filmed on an i-Phone. Thank you @TGHPierce