By Seb Kemp
Let's start the day off with something funny. The Onion News Network is a satirical sitcom, not a documentary. Some viewers might need to bear that fact in mind when the jokes about disabled son, gun-toting fetuses, and chubby, kidnapped girls come up. I know how some people get lost sometimes.
Onion News Empire isn’t proven to make viewers good looking, rich, and immortal, but it isn’t proven not to either amzn.to/11KlVvn
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 12, 2013
This is not a joke…
A paraglider was caught on video kicking an owl for nearly 7 minutes. A crime, for sure. But how do you find him? ow.ly/kQMTb
— Outside Magazine (@outsidemagazine) May 9, 2013
Is Your Dog a Butterface? This Guy Can Helptrib.al/Q7tuJF4
— VICE (@VICE) May 8, 2013
This is just absurd…
Bad internet. Pet Switch puts your face on your pet: petswitch.com
— Charl Blignaut (@sa_poptart) May 12, 2013
Both of these things are not funny…
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting “Live life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try now. Nipple squirrel ham
— Eoghan McDermott (@eoghanmcdermo) May 11, 2013
The Barkley Marathons race sounds like, most certainly, not a joke…
"I don't know if the Barkley is supposed to teach people about failure. What the Barkley does is force people to go deep inside themselves. It's hard to explain. You reach the limit and find out that there's a little more." – Gary “Laz” Cantrell, Barkley Marathons Co-Founder
“We publicly state that this race is too hard for women and no woman can do it.”Do you buy it? ow.ly/kVhj8
— Outside Magazine (@outsidemagazine) May 12, 2013
[note to readers: please read the full Outside Magazine article in the link before jumping to conclusions about the intention of including this tweet.]
And the knitted sweater that Dmitry Itskov's prototype robotic avatar is sporting is very funny for a future droid to wear…
— Rick MG (@levitatingcat) May 12, 2013
Nothing is fixed. Often, little makes sense. This is the only given.
— CreativeMornings (@creativemorning) May 8, 2013
The biggest non-joke of the internet is trolling. Trolling is the act of posting inflammatory comments online in the hope of provoking a reaction, disrupting discussion, or, in the case of some, simply diverting attention away from something with purpose and drawing attention to themselves.
To a troll there is no humor, no reasoning, no purpose other than to insult someone else to make them feel better about themselves. It’s quite possibly the most disturbing behavior for human beings to take part in. What’s even stranger is that nothing quite like it has happened until we had the internet. It is taking anti-socialism to whole new levels of harassment and aggression.
The obvious question is why an individual would try to engage and enrage someone emotionally to satisfy their own inadequacies? However, perhaps the real question should be how did such sociopathic tendencies characterize themselves before the immediacy, anonymity and safety of the internet allowed individuals to do so? Was this urge satiated by prank calls, nasty letters to strangers, scribbling graffiti on bathroom stall walls or hiding within a crowd of rioting civil disturbers?
Well, now the anger has a vent and the internet has become, to use Mike Ferrentino’s theory, the gall bladder for mankind. A sort of digital-biological valve and storage container into which bile is safely secreted before it builds up to dangerous levels and poisons the body of the individual. Trolling doesn’t mean much if ignored. Like the gall bladder we can forget it even exists and just let it keep spitting out venom that hurts only those that peer into the horrible, stinking abyss where trolls swim.