Looks like the nice people at Trek had another publication predominantly in their subconscious.
For safe return of your precious, young, innocent and awesome Trek Session 88, we demand one case of what is perhaps Wisconsin’s greatest products (aside from the fine bicycles, of course)–Schlitz’s Classic 1960s formula. I’m sure you will find these demands more than reasonable. Should you fail to contact us with your shipping information immediately, we will be forced to transfer ownership of said frame to our intern, who rides a fixie. For every day you fail to meet our demands we will mail you one piece of the frame’s linkage. So please, don’t disappoint.