Dirty Words: OK, have you heard this one …?
By Sal Ruibal
I was going to write a from-the-heart “Things-I’m- thankful-for-this-Thanksgiving” blog this year, but then I found an unopened bottle of Chimay Ale in the fridge and two long sips later I decided, “Hell, let’s tell some dirty bike jokes.”
Joke No. 1:
Two Boulder road cyclists meet on the downtown mall. One had a new bike. The other said, “Nice bike. How much?” The first said , “It was free.” The first asked, “Wow, how did you get it for free?” The one with the bike said, “Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted.” The other road cyclist said, “Good move! Her Castelli kit and booties wouldn’t have fit you anyway, especially if you were going for a Strada KOM on Gold Hill today.”
Joke No. 2:
Three cycling souls ascended into heaven and were met by St. Peter. He greeted the men and asked them if they had ever cheated on their wives. The first guy had never been unfaithful, so he was given a $12,000 Specialized S-Works MacLaren Venge. The second had one transgression, so he was only given a $4,000 Felt F4 Carbon. The third was a notorious philanderer across all sexual orientations and aberrations, so all he got was a ratty $20 Wal-Mart skateboard.
The next day, the Felt rider saw the new owner of the Venge in tears and asked how a top-of-the-line Specialized rider could be so sad.
The Venge guy shook his head and moaned, “I saw my wife this morning and she was riding a skateboard.”
Joke No. 3:
Two women cyclists decided to take a biking vacation in Belgium, a country they visited before by car. They signed up for the cyclo-tourist Tour of Flanders. Not long after they had left the beautiful market square in Brugge on their tandem, the stoker remarked, “I’ve never come this way before.”
Her friend replied, “Must be the cobble stones!”
Joke No. 4:
A man came back from a month-long overseas business trip to find that his son had a new $3,000 Niner 29-er mountain bike.
“How’d you get that, son?”
“Yeah, every night, Mom’s boss came over and gave me $100 to take a hike.”
Well, OK, it seems that a lot of cycling humor has to do with sex and the high price of bikes, which pretty much sums up the main talking points on most long rides or yakking around a campfire somewhere. Thanks to the many joke sites on the Internet that collect bike humor, especially Comedy Central’s extensive collection.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Oh, I am thankful for your support and comments both kind and cruel. If you have some favorite dirty bike jokes, take a few minutes and put them in the Comments section. If I’m still here next Thanksgiving, we might use them if I’m not skateboarding in Hell.