Over the summer Bike had an intern named Gavin who, before his leave, entered into a head-to-head “Feats of Strength” challenge, with Brice Minnigh, the magazine’s managing editor. The events of this challenge included: a foot race, push-ups and arm wrestling.
After losing every official event (however, he was declared the winner by getting a motorboat by the lovely and busty bar tender) Brice came across some incriminating evidence in a photo shot by assistant photo editor Morgan Meredith.
Here are the emails exchanged after Brice found the image.
As we can all see clearly in Morgan’s documentary photo, Gavin clearly cheats at arm wrestling—look how close he has pulled his arm to the side of the table, compared to all the chivalrous space I so honestly afforded the little whippersnapper….
Kids these days. They’ll do anything to win, especially when they know they’re out of their league…
As Morgan summarized the following morning: “Winners get motorboats. Losers move back to Montana.”
Judging by Gavin’s shockingly conspicuous silence over the indisputable evidence that he is a bottom-feeding, low-down CHEAT who has to resort to such pathetic tactics as “elbow sliding” to “beat” a man who is over twice his age in arm wrestling, I’m assuming that he is conceding that his ill-gotten “victory” has categorically been nullified, and his reputation has been tarnished—if not irreparably damaged—in the eyes of his erstwhile “peers.”
What an ignominious way to end an internship…
The only possible way to redeem yourself in the eyes of your former comrades, Gavin, is to come clean over your transgression, apologize personally to me for exhibiting such alarmingly non-chivalrous behavior, and humbly ask me to grant you a rematch upon our next meeting.
If you can do this, we will arm wrestle again, my friend. Perhaps when we convene to work on the test issue…
And we will see how you manage when the playing field is level…
Chris (Bike’s Senior Editor):
Gavin, I do believe Sir Minnigh just slapped you in the face with his favorite white opera glove. Damn.
First off that is a whack camera angle. Next up, I beat you twice. That’s right twice, and I beat you in a running match, because apparently not only is your upper body strength disappearing like your hair, but your wimpy little surfer legs are no match either.
That being said, I say we settle this with a much over-hyped showdown in front of the entire industry at inter bike. The loser has to do the winners bidding all weekend. Don’t worry Brice all I would want you to do is not be a sissy girl. Harsh I know, but being a real man for a weekend would do you some good.
So you work out and train, and I’ll just keep being awesome, and the third round will be even more embarrassing.
For the record, the camera angle is clearly straight-on. You’ve been caught cheating, pure and simple. And I know that is more than just embarrassing—it’s humiliating. I would feel for you, but obviously it is impossible for me to truly empathize with a young “man” who exhibits such disgraceful “new-school” slight-of-hand techniques. I am not a member of your loathsome generation of “I Want It All, And I Want It All NOW” grommets.
Speaking of which, what kind of an insult is “I would not want you to be a sissy girl”? Are you 12 years old or 22? Or have you been watching too many re-runs of Leave it to Beaver? Either way, it’s pretty weak, and it does indeed make me feel decidedly older than you.
Finally, you (along with the Forest Dwelling Rodent) frequently mention my “wimpy surfer legs,” so I am compelled to add another activity to our ongoing Feats of Strength competition: Surfing. In REAL waves, not the “double over-ankle” dribblers I took you two kooks out in at “Barneys” (name symbolism?). Watching you two awkwardly fumble about on those foamboards was pretty amusing, but it was nothing like it will be watching you get worked by your first overhead wave… But that’s assuming you could make the paddle with your wimpy fixie-riding arms… A pretty optimistic assumption. You Sea Donkey.
I got the full go-ahead from all of my professors to join y’all for two full weeks of bike testing/ wrenching for Brice when he can’t figure out how to pump up his tires. So if that’s still something we want to do, count me in.
The two competitors have finally been reunited at Bike-a-Palooza and a rematch has been put into motion. Here is a list of the new event to take place. Stay tuned.