By Kevin Rouse
Everything Went Analog/Digital
Candwich (x2): $10
I packed a PB & J for lunch for the vast majority of my formative years, and, call me crazy, but after literally countless PB & J’s, they’re still more exciting on the palate than most of the “nutrition” products on the market. And now, with the anti-squish properties of the Candwich, the venerable PB & J just became a lot more crash-friendly.
GU Peanut Butter Energy Gel (x10):$10
If you prefer calories a bit more conducive to in-motion consumption though, then GU’s peanut butter flavor is an acceptable substitute. However, as GU has yet to make a grape-jelly flavor, we recommend hitting up your local Denny’s and pocketing a few stray packets of Smuckers.
Screw batteries. Plus, seeing as how it’s sold with very little description on Amazon, this thing is bound to be super-accurate.
Cateye Vectra Wireless Bike Computer:$30
If you actually prefer to know your speed and distance within a reasonable margin of error, Cateye’s nicely-priced Vectra stands as a testament to the benefits of 1’s and 0’s.
Cinelli Steel Toe Clips and Leather Toe Straps:
Sure, there’s a reason clipless pedals came about, but don’t these just seem way cooler? Channel your inner hipster and rock a set this season.
Shimano M530 Pedals: $60
If you value being able to disconnect yourself from your bike in the event of a crash, Shimano’s M530 are just the ticket. And speaking of value, these pedals represent one of the best ones out there.
Brooks Flyer Saddle: € 95.00
What’s a pair of clips and straps without a Brooks saddle? Treat your rear to some handcrafted, leathery goodness—and some bump-absorption with the Brooks Flyer.
Fizik Gobi XM Muzzle: $80
If you’re looking for a saddle that’s a bit more svelte, Fizik’s Gobi XM Muzzle offers the weight-saving benefits of carbon-reinforced nylon and manganese, plus an integrated scuff bumper.
Charles-Hubert Mechanical Pocket Watch: $285
Been going for that dignified look lately? Well, break out one of these bad boys on your next leisurely pedal down to the cigar shop and, well, mission accomplished.
Garmin Edge 500: $250
If you’re looking to know more than just the time, Garmin’s Edge 500 affords a bevvy of metrics to keep even the most analytic of riders occupied.
Ms. Pac Man: ~$550
In this day and age, playing Pac Man (Ms. or Mr.) is as easy as a simple web search. But, the arrow keys on your keyboard are hardly a replacement for the feel of a pocketful of quarters and a deathgrip on a joystick that Lord only knows who else has touched…after doing Lord knows what.
iCade Arcade Cabinet and iPad: $570
If your significant other doesn’t like the idea of an ‘80’s-era artifact jockeying for space with their priceless antique collection in the living room, there’s always the iCade. Plus, for the price of a Ms. Pac Machine, you can also get an iPad.
Encylopedia Britannica Hard-Bound Set: $1000
Why an encyclopedia set? Why not? For $1000, you can bestow upon your favorite hipster, the reference-book equivalent of the fixed-gear.
Wikipedia Donation: $1000
Of course, you could always make a $1000 donation to Wikipedia in their name.