Eurobike 2016: Oddities and Entities

Through the eyes of an underslept bike journalist

Oh yes, there’s a fashion show at Eurobike. It happens multiple times every day, and is bafflingly well-attended. What other way is there to plan your preseason buy aside from watching spandex get strutted on stage to the same three-year-old pop hits they played last year?

As incongruous as the bright lights and pop beats may be, the fashion show is far from the strangest thing you’d see while wandering the halls of Messe Friedrichshafen.

Things were going sideways before the show even started. Photo: Ryan Palmer
Things were going sideways before the show even started. Photo: Ryan Palmer
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Hall B3, 10:07 AM | “Real funny. You’ve made me look like a squid in front of the entire bike industry.”
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Eurobike: Where the bike industry plots ridiculous ways to address the “challenges” of bicycle design.
Stringbike guy: "It's good because it doesn't require lubrication, and it's completely symmetrical." Me: "What's beneficial about symmetry?" Stringbike guy: (pause) "and also, you can just carry extra strings as replacements."
Stringbike guy: “It doesn’t require lubrication, and it’s completely symmetrical on both sides of the bike” Me: “What’s the benefit of the symmetry?” Stringbike guy: (pause) “And also, it’s very easy to replace the strings.”
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There’s no need to worry about e-bikes affecting trail access…virtual reality has you covered.
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Like taking candy from a chamois.
Typical German sandwich construction includes a 20:1 ratio of bread to toppings, and no condiments.
Typical German sandwich construction entails a 20:1 ratio of bread to toppings, and no condiments.
The German language certainly has its moments, though–especially if, like me, you've got the sense of humor of a 7th grader.
The German language has its moments.
Like its venerable leather saddles, Brooks' new helmet has a three-year break-in period.
Do Brooks helmets have a 200-mile break-in period? Caption: Ryan Palmer
Want to ride a moustache all the time?
Buy one of these, and you can take a moustache ride whenever you want.
The stars of this year's show were the full-suspension, folding E-bikes.
The stars of this year’s show were the full-suspension, folding e-bikes.
Nimble, compact and slightly lighter than a boat anchor: the folding e-bike.
They’re compact and slightly lighter than a neutron star.
At what point do we just call it a moped?
At what point do we just call it a moped?
"How many liters?" (short pause, genuine contemplation) "About 900."
“How many liters?” (short pause, genuine contemplation) “About 900.”
The farther back into each expo hall you go, the stranger it gets.
The farther back you go in each expo hall, the blurrier the lines become between bootleg and OEM.
Shixxxo and SxxM better up their game...Doz's 12-speed drivetrain blows their 11-speed setups away.
Shixxxo and SxxM better up their game…Doz’s 12-speed drivetrain evidently blows their 11-speed setups away.
You probably won't get a Red Bull helmet anytime soon, so a monster helmet will have to suffice.
You probably won’t get a Red Bull helmet anytime soon, so a monster helmet will have to suffice.
"Really? No one has fixed this yet?"
Hall B3, 3:14 PM | “Will someone please fix this?”

Actual Eurobike Coverage:

e*thirteen Expands Product Range

Eurobike 2016: This and That

Kali’s New Interceptor Helmet

Yeti Updates 2017 Lineup

New Pedals from Chromag, HT, DMR and Crankbrothers